When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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