You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
