I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
