Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
