The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
