i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
