people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
