i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
