Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
