Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
