I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
