You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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