guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
