I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
