New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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