i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
