We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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