some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
