She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
