I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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