I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
