The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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