I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sorry about my life...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
