just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
