I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
