You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
this just has baby written all over it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
