Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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