If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
