Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
