My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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