you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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