I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
