I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
