he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
