i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
