so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
