her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
