You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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