Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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