Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize