yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
