i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
