I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think a kid would responsible me up
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
