I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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