Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize