did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
