I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
