NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
