I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
