I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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