FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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