Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's blow job season.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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