are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
