I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
