So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
