I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
