I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize