so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
