DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Alive.
So much puke
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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