remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
