woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
