yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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