Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Randomize
