you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
