tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
