I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
