I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize