billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Everything about him screamed your future.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
