Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize