If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
