I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
