do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
