my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
