So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
