haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
