thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
