I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
