dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
