barbara walters just said penis...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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