When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
