If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
